Doing Conflict Well

I have occasionally led conference seminars on working in Christian organizations. Two extreme categories of people can be there: those starting work in one, and very starry-eyed about it, and those who already do such work and want the opportunity to vent their frustration or disappointment! Today’s passage is a stark reminder of the frailties that we bring into our relationships as Christians, even those of us in leadership! Tensions occur. People fall out, whether Christian or not, especially those who are passionate about their convictions. Interestingly, this incident wasn’t about theology but about personality, about trust and risk-taking over someone who’d apparently let them down in the past (Acts 13:13). We don’t know for sure whether Paul and Barnabas were ever reconciled, though Paul does later speak positively of Barnabas as someone setting a good example (1 Cor. 9:6). And the subject of their “sharp disagreement” (39), John Mark, was by the end of Paul’s life so valued by him that he requested his company in his final days (2 Tim. 4:11).

Christians are not known for handling disagreement well. Somehow, to acknowledge that things are difficult or there is real conflict can feel like failure, that we’re letting God himself down. It also can be very uncomfortable to face. So the temptation is to deny there’s a problem and hope that it’ll somehow resolve itself, which usually results in conflict being driven underground and popping up in the most unlikely and sometimes destructive ways. Substituting niceness and tolerance for grace and truth and “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15) doesn’t work, and isn’t the way it’s meant to be. Being a disciple of Jesus involves learning how to handle conflict well, and being generous with our forgiveness, too.

Which is more important to consider; the work (Paul) or the person (Barnabas)? Have you ever had to make a choice like Paul and Barnabas? What influenced your decision?